Today we hear from someone who attended a private dinner for executives and got cornered.

When you leave the substance of an event up to chance, you unleash the most craven attendees upon the hapless rest. That’s how today’s attendee Fran felt, cornered by their tablemate and unable to break free to talk to others.

The second-choice blues

Fran: I was invited to an executive dinner that started with an indirect negotiation—I could come along if I managed to bring my sought-after friend. I swallowed my pride despite that. I knew it was worth it to attend. 

The planner followed up a lot in the run-up to make sure I was going to invite my friend. But of course, I couldn’t promise they would attend. I really did try. I told the planner I’d invite others but they were really fixated on that one person. In the end, my other two friends could join and the planner relented.

The dinner was in a pretty small room in the upper level of a local restaurant. The decor was nice but it was one room and a table without much space to maneuver. We all milled about at first, awkwardly navigating around chairs. 

I have this thing where I’m not quite extroverted enough, so I overcompensate by shaking as many hands as I can. My partner always tells me to relax and not worry but I can never tell if I’m annoying someone or how to break away. I did meet two people who were very high up at a company I was interested in but just as we got into it, they announced that we were sitting down and I was seated between two new people.

I enjoyed that they went around the room to have everyone introduce themselves, even though it was a bit hard to hear. I was too busy thinking about what I was going to say that I didn’t catch other people’s names and stories. People clapped politely. (Each person had to stand.) Then appetizers arrived and we started talking to our neighbors. The person next to me was really energized and wanted to talk. After a while, I got exhausted and excused myself to the bathroom. I kept thinking, when will they switch? But my neighbor was really fixated on me and I could tell I was being a little rude—my attention was wandering and I kept looking at how good of a time everyone else seemed to be having. I kept waiting for the hosts to change our seating arrangements or interrupt us, but the host never came over.

Some parts were lovely. I liked when people from the company got up and toasted each other and the CEO pointed out the salesperson by saying, “That person is going to try to book a meeting with you!” That salesperson blushed and it was all very charming. It seemed they really knew each other. 

But they never switched seats and it went on way too long. I guess I thought there’d be a topic or some guidance? I left a little early, which I regret because I did want to meet other people. 

When I got home, I already had a message from the organizer who asked if my friend (the one they’d hoped would attend, but didn’t) would be interested in the next one they were planning. It was unclear whether I was invited.